Oh Goodie...A Personal Slave!

That was basically the idea that I got of the teacher's reaction to me observing her. When I originally started there she had informed me that it would not be me just sitting there and taking notes (which unfortunately has been the experience of some of my peers). I would be running copies and doing other fairly menial tasks throughout the day. In fact, the copier pictured here is where I spent a significant amount of time while "observing". The teacher would use these workbooks and she would make copies of them to distribute to the class (this was a way to avoid buying textbooks as well). She even said that she wasn't sure what she would do once I left. Obviously, she would have to make the copies herself...but given her busy schedule this would only put even more constraint on her time. Perhaps she has by now found another student who can do these things. The experience I had was worth it though. Besides, when at this copier I had the opportunity to chat with other teachers, the janitor, and the office people...so it wasn't a lost cause at all.

Technology and me...

I know that having a good knowledge base in technology is only going to help me but boy is this stuff somewhat impossible sometimes. I am incredibly interested in technology's effect on society, culture, and learning. I would like to do further work in my content area towards that end. It is somewhat ironic though that I am fairly technologically inept. I just had to do a Powerpoint presentation for a class and am sure that anyone looking at it will think that I did not put much effort into it. That is truly farther from the truth. Yet, just a few years ago I know that I would not have been able to do even half the stuff that I can do now. As long as I keep an open mind I know that I will do OK. Besides, it may later give me more of an opportunity with many kids who may be more techno-savvy than I.

Teacher as Panopticon

So this is the view I would often have of my small classroom while observing/ teaching. There was only 14 students in the entire class (and this was the entire high school class)! Having a class like this really gave me an opportunity to learn such specific things. True - it wasn't a public school and it wasn't a large class (like the ones I will probably be teaching later) but it still gave me an "inside" view of how individuals learn and how one might have a significant impact on them. I had remarked earlier on the "gaze" of the students and I would like to briefly return to that here...As can be ascertained from this picture, all the students' eyes are to be trained on me (or whatever else might be in their line of sight - including the backs of fellow students' heads). Whenever possible I think it is much more beneficial for the students to be looking at each other and hence truly interacting with each other. Methods of teaching which extensively use what might be referred to as the "panopticon method" do poorly in helping the student truly learn....it is instead just a reassertion of authority. Authority which is empty of reason and purpose is ultimately useless. A teacher should recognize him or her self as the authority in the classroom to an extent - but it should not be this authority by itself which directs (or even dictates) the flow of learning within the classroom...

Social Wealth

In about 45 minutes I pick up an individual whom has been labeled as developmentally disabled and we get to go to Crossgates Mall on Thanksgiving weekend! Apparently he wants to go to a place called Build a Bear. In this store you get to design your own teddy bear for later snuggling at home. It should be alot of fun to go to the shopping mall on the busiest weekend of the year. I hate shopping malls!
I started working for Catholic Charities Disabilities Services about 10 months ago and tried to quit about 6 months ago. They just keep sucking me back in. Besides, how could I quit? I originally got the job because I was told that it would count for my observation hours, but when I got into school it was a whole different story. Now I just do it as a small contribution to a few individuals in the community. It is good because besides helping them - I also learn more about myself and the nature of learning and dare I say "abstract" thought processes. It can be quite interesting to talk with these individuals (and when I say "abstract" I simply mean that they do not neatly conform to the ways most of us communicate - they do not see the world like we do (then again does anybody see the world the same - There is an old philosophical question which asks : "Is my red the same as your red?" "Ultimately, how can we really know?"))....
So now I am off to the Build a Bear store...wish me luck...

The gaze

This is a picture of the students' field of vision on a typical day of class. Notice the things which they are looking at and those which they are not. They are looking at the classical chalkboard (or here - eraserboard) and the teacher's desk. Granted - the teacher I was observing (as well as myself) did not sit at the desk much during classtime. Both of us engaged the students while standing up and walking around the room. This is very helpful in trying to engage the students in such a way that they are connecting with the teacher. But what about each other? Is it important for them to engage with each other? Without me elaborating on that at all I think it can be said that students working together in different ways is clearly beneficial to them. The skills they develop here will have to help them in the future.
Doesn't the "gaze" have much to do with this? People now more than ever are visual learners. Instead of making the teacher the focal point in the classroom - when possible - I had the class get into a circle with myself at one of the same desks that they sit at. I tried to guide rather than dictate the flow of learning. In circle formation, with everyone's gaze focused on everyone else...people were much more involved. It was harder to not participate or nod out of the conversation. People felt much more a part of a class - as though they had a serious hand in it. They were part of the process of instruction rather than simply the brunt of it. They were constructors rather than receivers.

Giving Thanks

Well, today is Thanksgiving of course so I felt that I should mention some things that I might be thankful for. I guess I would have to first say that I am mostly thankful for the way I was brought up. It was not an easy life (nor is it now), but it definitely keeps on getting easier. I think my life has really formulated me to be a person that can have some good effects on the people around me. I have learned how to get through some tough stuff and I have had such a rich variety of experiences along the way. I have worn the hats of a cook, a salesman, a factory worker, a bartender, a waiter, a soldier, a tutor, and a mentor, but most of all - I have enjoyed just being a friend. I came to realize that kids really are what this world is all about and that many of them probably have to make some of the same decisions I made and may have even made some of the mistakes that I have made.
When you have no money and lots of time you tend to think alot about things. I would see people around me that had money - but they never seemed REAL...actually they seemed unhappy most of the time. Wealth. What is wealth? Is wealth the purchasing power that one has? Is wealth how much money or investments one has? What is money? Is not money just an abstraction of value - perhaps a form of stored value? What then is it REALLY good for? What is investment? Is it simply putting money somewhere where it can grow into more money? Is it like having a garden? Can you pick and eat your money before the first frost of the year? Probably not - it remains an abstraction. OR perhaps - distraction. Why not invest in something which is not an abstraction? Why not invest in something tangible? Something real? I have decided to invest in humans - they seem to provide the best return. But, like money, one may certainly get greedy when investing in humans...
I am thankful for being such a greedy person.

The other

Well, I am almost done with a very long semester of school. Between what I have done this semester and over the summer, I have definitely gotten alot accomplished. My observation hours are done and in about 3 weeks school will be done. What will I do with myself? Well, I am going to look into some of the tests that are required for certification, but more important than that I am going to spend some real time with not much anyone else but me. I am going to read what I want and maybe go to some museums that I have been wanting to go to. I might take a real long hike with nothing but a a few pens and a notebook. I might just be getting a little ahead of myself! I think that the 5 week break will be one of the best things for me...I have been going to school since the first week in July...my time is definitely near. Not anything too significant here...but things that are definitely relevant!

I am stupid...

This reminds me of an experience that I had while observing students in a private school in Troy. I was talking to the students rather in depth about similes and metaphors (an especially fun topic for me) when one student said “I am stupid”. I had worked with this student on many occasions and had seen him make great strides in both his math work and his writing skills. He had come to the school a little late and was obviously dealing with some incredible circumstances outside the classroom (he wore an ankle bracelet which was used by probation to track him). I could tell that other kids thought he was indeed “stupid” and could see that he had internalized this view of himself, but soon after we showed everyone that this individual was the farthest thing from stupid. “That is such a great example of a metaphor,” I said quickly after Terrance’s assertion that he was stupid. I fielded some ideas from the classroom on what a metaphor really is and we came to an agreement that a metaphor is something that stands in place for something else, but may or may not have any real connection to it. In other words, if I assert that I am a bull, a jackass, or even an idiot I am not saying literally that I am these things – I am simply transposing some quality associated with the term to myself. I am saying that I have the strength of a bull or the IQ of an idiot (jackass is even more interesting in that there does not seem to be any real correlation between a donkey and an individual’s level of responsibility or intelligence). I then showed this student that whether he had intended it or not he had used the metaphor “stupid” in describing himself which was also a word which had no real correlation to him and therefore was insignificant. This helped us in two different ways. Most importantly it showed Terrance that he was not really stupid at all, but it also gave Terrance such an in depth understanding of what a metaphor is since it was connected to something he was already familiar with (associating himself with the conceptuality of “stupid”).

Applicability

Applicability. That was why I originally chose to enter an education program. How do I apply the things I learned in undergrad - indeed in life - to have a good effect on the people around me - and perhaps right now - on my students? This question may assume that I already contain all the information that I need to have some sort of effect on students - that I just need to get what is inside of me out to them. In effect it is all about transmission and it is as simple as that. How foolish of me for thinking this way. First - I am by no means an expert in my content area and never could be (no one could ever be a real expert in all areas of "English and language studies" - only a very particular sector of it). Second - I do recognize and can identify with the current mode of education today - a constructivist approach. This is not a phenomenon restricted to only education - but is something which is embedded in our culture - our way of thinking. We are becoming less and less recognized as autonomous beings - we are instead seen as beings which are extremely multi-dimensional and it is the incorporation of the "Others" which constructs our selves. We also help to construct others as they construct us. This lies at the heart of the constructivist ideology. It will be helpful in the future for all of us to be able to read ourselves through the eyes of our students, thus dissolving the boundaries of the body and liberating our minds of the ideologies of difference and autonomy.

Get in my belly!

This is a picture of where lunch was served! Whether it was tuna casserole or chef salad with Velvetta cheese and canned ham this is where we filled our bellies. This is also where I got feedback from students and sometimes other teachers. My day usually consisted of a math class followed by an English class followed by lunch which worked out perfectly. I would go to different students' tables and ask them about the lesson I had done with them or helped the other teacher to do. I always got great feedback which helped me further formulate other ideas and lesson components. I would sit with students and eat lunch with them. We would discuss what was important to them. This sort of grassroots approach helped me tremendously as a future educator. Towards the end of my time they referred to me as a friend. I cannot wait to go back and see how they are all doing. I guess what I am really trying to say is that the cafeteria food was just a necessary evil through which I could get to the real source of nourishment - my time with students who would help me get through my career much more than the food might help me get through the day.

Reflection

O.K....so I screwed up the post I just typed and accidentally wiped it out...so I will start again...Reflection - much like the picture here - is something we all already do as historical beings. We are bound by history much like the cells in our body are bound to us...they (like history) are us. The picture here is a reflection of what I would see when walking into school to do my observation hours each day...yes it was the front door. But what might be different in the reflection here as opposed to the reflection in my mind of the same event? You may say - well the picture here is an objective one - it objectively reflects a concrete form of reality. In what way though? Am I not put into a subject position by the sidewalk and the corresponding guardrail. In effect - I am "funneled" into my experience of entering into this building. The point is that I am reflecting - as any teacher is told they must do...as I and you have always done. Reflection is so many things....